"Fitting In"

From the day after I turned one, I have never lived in my country.  I left Brasil almost 30 years ago, and even though I've had the opportunity to go back and visit quite often, I have not lived there. I am not complaining, I loved living abroad.  I was blessed to see many new places, meet interesting people and live amongst different cultures.  I learned new languages - a passion of mine - and I am always hoping to learn a few more!  I enjoy traveling and moving from time to time, but I am now confronted with doubts about whether or not I "fit in" where I am.  

  

Even though life was good for my family and I while I was growing up, I missed out on having family near by. I never really spent time with my grandparents, cousins, uncles/aunts, etc., and I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be around them.  The friends we made in Venezuela, Spain and the United States became our family.  I've lived in a small town in Maryland, in Boston, the Ft. Lauderdale area, Miami, and Cambridge.  I am currently moving back to FL, but wondering if this is the right thing to do.  

Life throws us a few spins once in a while, which is why I'm writing tonight.  The last few years in Florida were spent wondering what life would be like in Boston.  I love the weather in FL, the beaches, lifestyle and our family and friends, of course.  But I didn't feel like I "fit in".  I love to travel; and to get into a car and drive out of FL is a long trip in itself.  The lack of cultural events, museums, history, etc...made me miss Boston.  I started to see that people, not all of course, are very materialistic.  It's all about the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the clubs you go to, etc.  It just wasn't me.   And suddenly....

An offer appeared out of nowhere to come live in Cambridge.  It was like my prayers had been heard!  Of course, we thought about the harsh winter and being far away from our family and friends.  But the thought of getting in the car and being in so many different states in a few hours...All of the museums and historical sites to visit!  Not to mention the exhibits, plays, musicals, etc. that come and go from the city every month.  Giving it little thought, in less than two months I was here.  I arrived in the beginning of January with an eight week old baby.  And in a few weeks, realized that life wasn't going to be so easy.  With very little people that we knew, not being able to go outside much because of the cold, and spending almost every single day with a young baby that only slept and ate, I began to see this wasn't me either.  Time did go by - slowly - and we started to make some friends, so things started to brighten up. Once the summer came, it was great!  We had friends, I went out a lot, we enjoyed the city to the fullest!  Kayaking in the Charles.  Taking walks in the Common. Meeting friends for a stroll at Newbury St....We got away from the city, we had family come and visit and we went to visit family and friends in FL, of course.  But winter is back, and things got "difficult" again.  The days start late and end early.  I can't go outside much. Dear friends have come and gone.  It's just been so hard.  I don't feel like this is the place for me, I don't "fit in".  

We've been thinking about how we would like to go back to FL for many months now- to the sunshine, the family and friends, and the good life we had back then - which we didn't realize.  We know and cherish the friends we have made here and are certain that wherever we may go, they will be in our minds and hearts.  But we're ready to leave... 

Life has thrown us another spin, and our prayers were answered, once again.  We were asked to go back to FL in the beginning of the month and are doing so in a couple of days. Yet for some reason, I find myself asking:  "Is this really what I want?"  "Am I going to be happy?"  "Am I going to 'fit in'?"

I wonder: is it time to head back HOME, to Brasil?  My home that's never been my home?  If I do go back, will I adapt?  Will I get used to living in a big city?  Will I get used to living around family?  Will I "fit in"???

Past, Present & Future

Why is it that people are so concerned with the past and future instead of living for the present?  

"Seize the day!   Carpe Diem!"

The past is gone.  Even though many times we wish we could go back, and change what we've done, or the way we did something.  Something we said or didn't say.... Whatever you did, you chose to do back then.  Deal with it.  If you are happy with the outcome, continue living life happily.  If you are discontent with the results, then see what went wrong, learn from it, and continue to live life, trying to avoid the same "mistake".

The future is something we cannot control. We cannot foresee what will happen.  We cannot prevent something from happening, if we don't know what will happen.  We can only hope that things will turn out the way we want them to.  People tend to think that they can control/prevent things in the future.  Certain things you can TRY to control for the future.  You can eat healthy and work out to TRY to stay healthy.  Even though it doesn't mean you will stay healthy.   You can be healthy and have a good body, but that can't prevent you from getting sick or having accidents...which is the point I'm trying to make.  You cannot control the future.

Live life for the present.  Enjoy each day.  Take in everything that is good and cherish it!  If anything happens that you don't like, let it go.  Life is short, and you have to embrace it!  Do things you enjoy!  Laugh! Cry!   Learn new things!  Love your family, friends and partners! Meet new people.  Help others.   Treat others like you want to be treated.  The world does go "round and round", and what goes around, definitely comes back around.  

Live the PRESENT.  Learn from the past.  Hope for the future.  

Dedicated to my dearest friend, my sister...

I can't express how grateful I am for having you in my life!  Since you are going to be a new mom, anytime now, I wanted to share this poem that was given to me during my baby shower...

In heaven, the story goes that when the time came for a little angel to be born as a baby, she asked God:

-  I hear you are sending me down soon and I wonder, how will I survive?  I am so small and fragile and my wings are not that strong..."

- And God replied:  "From among many, I have chosen a special Angel for you, who awaits your arrival and will always care for you."

- "Here in heaven, all I do is smile and sing.  Is that enough to be happy?"

- "Your Angel will sing to you, will smile at you every day, will play with you...and you will feel a deep love that will make you happy."

- "How will I understand them down there?  I do not speak their language!?"

- "Your Angel will talk to you with kind, beautiful words and with love and tenderness, she will tutor you to understand and be fluent in it."

- "What will I do if I want to speak with you?"

- "Your Angel will put your tiny hands together and she will teach you to pray: that is how you will be able to speak to me."

- "Father, I hear there are malicious men on earth.  Who will defend me from them?"

- "If necessary, your Angel will defend you and guard you with her own life!"

- "I will be sad as I will never see you again."

- "Your Angel will talk to you about me.  She will show you the path to return to me.  Do not fear, I will always be with you."

Heaven was peaceful, voices from earth were heard, and the little angel, feeling rushed and agitated, with tears in her little eyes said:

- "Lord, I am leaving already; tell me her name, what is my Angel's name?"

- "Her name does not matter, you will always call her... MOM."

Never Regret What You Did, Regret What You Didn't Do

Many people believe in different mottos and how to view life.  I firmly believe that we should never regret what we did, only what we didn't do.  If we don't live life fully and try new things, we will be unable to experiment, to find new things that we like/dislike, or to have new things to talk about with family and friends.   We have to learn from trying new things to discover whether we would like to do them again or not.  However, if we live life afraid of trying new things, of having new experiences, of taking risks and sometimes just following our gut feelings, we will never learn.  We will live life in a routine, like a robot; possibly finding out years later that life has been boring and without meaning.  

I myself have done things in the past that I regret.  I know I regret them because I tried something new, and in doing so, my expectations were not met, my feelings were hurt, or I quite possibly simply didn't like the results.  However, I tried.  I can explain to people why it is I like "that" or not.  

On the other hand, I have done things in the past that I do not regret.  They have been experiences that had positive outcomes.  I've met new people, worked in other areas than those that I had always worked in.  I have lived in different places and learned different languages. Even though trying something new is scary, I learned.  I met people that are significant and have changed my life.  I have met others that I did not get along with or have anything in common, so I just learned what I could from the time we spent together, and moved on.  

Therefore, try new things.  Don't be scared.  Take risks.  Live.  Learn.  And remember, never regret what you did, just what you didn't do!